Heartbreaking Memories
by CluelessAngel
Summary: I'm not very good at summaries so this is in Mulan's POV and her story in my version. It begins with Mulan in present time looking back on her life. There is some violence and the mention of rape in one spot
1. Chapter 1

**Please just stay with me on this, I will most likely be changing things over and over until I get them where I want it to be.**

I could remember it all too well. It was about four years ago I met my true love and best friend. I just wish we met under different circumstances.  
It all started in spring when things decided to take a turn for the worst. Honor was the top priority and it consumed everyone. I was fifteen at the time, and he was 18. He was finally getting his dream, he was ready to fight...

**ooo**Flashback**ooo**

"I cant believe this is happening. I don't want to think about marriage! I want to be free, love who I want, live the way I want!" I kept thinking in my head, but I knew if I wanted to uphold my families honor this way the only way. About four years ago my father was wounded in battle, his honor was set in stone, but now that I'm of age for marriage there's a chance that I could make the honor he received vanish before our eyes.

It was the day before the matchmaker's test, and this woman hated me from the very beginning. She disagreed with how my parents raised me, and to tell you the truth, my mother wasn't happy on how I was being raised. My parents never had a son, so in a way I took the place as a son. My father wanted me to have the same opportunities as a male in our village, so I was educated. I learned how to read and write, along with being able to speak out and fight. I was taught everything a woman should not know. My mother didn't mind it until I was learning how to fight and speak out against something. My father tried to enroll me into a school, but they refused telling him that they don't allow females to step foot on their campus. So from there on my father and grandmother taught me.

The morning before I was due to see the matchmaker's I crept out onto the training grounds in the backyard. My mother made me stop practicing because it was nonsense and if I wanted to honor her, I would have to stop. She was not going to allow me, her daughter, to ruin everything because of training, it was something a woman was not even suppose to know. My father watched me from the temple, we both knew I would miss training very much after my marriage. I was able to excel at everything that he taught me despite his injury, and I knew he was regretting it now. I fell in love with the art, an art I will never be able to do again. My father blamed himself.

This day would drag on forever. I wake up everyday at the break of dawn to practice and meditate, from there I would jump into the river in our yard to cool off then I would feed the animals and do my chores. When I was done I would go take a bath and then meet up with my mother and grandmother in the market to get my dress fitted, that's where I would stand for hours at a time making sure the final details were finished. It wouldn't be until dusk I would return home where I was expected to prepare dinner. Once I was done my mother would want me to show her how I would act during the matchmaker's test.

How I wished for night to come soon. My mother would never leave me alone. After I was done I went outside and climbed the wall in our yard, as I sat on top of it I kept thinking "I don't belong here, I just want to leave and never come back." I was tempted on just jumping over the wall, but I couldn't. As a child I use to always jump over the wall, but of course I was always found by one of my father's friends coming to visit. They would laugh and bring me back home. One time I jumped over the wall and landed on this poor kid, I never knew his name, but he was with General Li. I guess it was his son. His son was nice, kind, and there was something about him that I saw in him. But that's a whole other story. He wasn't too upset I landed on him, instead he was laughing. I never saw him after that day. To this day I wonder what happened to him, but then I just figure he went off to school. But anyway I couldn't run away, I would disappoint my parents, and I could never live with myself if I knew I failed them.

My mother called me in, "Mulan, you need to go to bed now. You need to look beautiful and refreshed tomorrow when you meet the matchmaker."

"I know mama, I'll be in soon"  
My mother didn't believe me, but just gave me a stern look and walked off to bed. As I sat on the wall thinking I couldn't imagine who I was to marry, what he was like, and if he actually wanted me or if he was being forced to marry me just like I am being forced to marry him. I just knew nothing would be the same after tomorrow, but I had no idea what was to come...

**oooOooo**

Morning came all to quickly. I crept out of the house, being careful not to wake anyone. I wanted to do my forbidden art one more time before I would no longer have a chance to. My mother saw me practicing, and came out screaming at me. Her words still ring in my head, "You are a dishonorable daughter. How can you dishonor us with your childish nonsense? You are to be married Mulan, what man would want you if they saw you dressing and acting like a man?"

I couldn't even look into her eyes, because a part of me knew she was right. What man would want someone like me? I knew that if I got married, I would bring my husband and myself a lifetime of unhappiness. I could never do that to someone even if i didn't even know them, or love them. It was a hopeless cause. I didn't want to marry, I didn't want to be a wife who was unable to to anything she wanted to do. I was not cut out for this. Sitting around, giving birth, weighting hand and foot for my husband, and being obedient, it wasn't for me. But I had to uphold my family honor, it was my duty and I had to oblige to it. I went back into the house to get my stuff and then I set off into town.

"My, my Mulan, you're quite early. We weren't expecting you for another twenty minutes!" one of the ladies exclaimed, "Give us ten minutes to prepare everything." I nodded and they were off. I kinda felt bad because now I made them rush.  
One lady asked me, "my dear, why are you here so early? you must still be half asleep!" I laughed at what she said, "I've been up for about three hours!" She was surprised at my response.  
"Why's that?" she asked. I wondered if I should tell her I was raised as a soldier and if we were on time, we were late, but I decided against that. If word got out that I was being trained in a man's area, I would dishonor my entire family for generations to come... if a man would want me after hearing the news.  
"I...I just couldn't sleep" I finally said  
"too excited" the nudged my arm. all i could do was look at her and plaster a smile on my face  
"yes, very excited" trying to sound enthused

A woman came to get me, my bath was drawn and waiting for me. I stripped my gown off and stepped into the bath. It felt good against my aching muscles. I just relaxed while the woman washed me. I have to say, I felt very awkward I was very capable to wash myself, but it was tradition for someone else to wash you during a special occasion, and not that I would say this was a _special_ occasion but to everyone else it was the most sacred special occasions before the wedding. I stood up and got out of the tub, the woman wiped me down and started to throw my clothes on layer by layer. First layer was my underwear of course, then came the slip, then the first thin layer of my dress which was a light green, then the second layer of the dress which was dark blue with a shinny green pattern decorated all over the dress and then the dark blue wrap that went around my waist, then a clear-ish sliver shinny cloth belt that went on top of that. I could not move or breathe. Who could i fool? I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't see a bride.

The woman noticed my unhappy look and said, "we're not finished darling, we have your hair to do and your make-up to put on. Don't worry, you will look like a beautiful bride, not that you aren't right now!"

I was dragged off into another room for my make-up and hair. I watched as they covered my face with this thick white pasty powder. I was not allowed to make any kind of faces or even smile or else i would have crease marks in my make-up. they left to let my white face dry before applying more make-up, either more white pasty powder or moving on to the lipstick, blush, eyeliner, and eye shadow. Everything they applied was thick and pasty. I looked more like a clown than a bride. I had a white face, pink blush, shades of green and blue eye shadow to match my dress, heavy eyeliner, and bright red lipstick. Next, and finally the last thing needed to be done was my hair. The woman were fighting on what they should do with my hair. They finally decided after 20 minutes of bickering to put it into a beautiful twisted up-do with curls. The dress and my hair were the only things I liked about today, and both were one of a kind like me. I came out of the house ready to line up, but they were no where in sight. They were still in other houses getting ready. I sat and played chess with a very nice elderly man. Some people didn't mind how I was acting, but i can't say the same thing about the others. I knew they talked behind my back but i stopped caring long ago.

Finally after 25 minutes of waiting, the girls started to come out. they looked at me then held their noses high showing how snobbish they were. We paraded through the village showing the villagers that we were going to meet with the matchmaker to receive a husband. I saw them whispering to each other looking at me. "This will never end" I thought "even if i do get married, the whispering will never cease to exist." The villagers didn't not like me nor respect me. When we finally came to Qi Ning's house we lined up and bowed to her hiding ourselves behind our umbrellas. Ning was this tall, slender, gorgeous woman and she knew it. She was vain, and if she didn't like you, she'd give you hell and sadly that was the position I was put in.

"Fa Mulan!" She called out, I stood up with my eyes directed toward the ground. I am considered to have a lower status than her, even though we are both women. But because of my lower status if I looked into her eyes it would be considered very disrespectful and I would be deamed a failure right on the spot.  
"Come" she snickered  
I slowly entered the building, Ning walked around me judging me like there was no end.

"You're too small and frail to give birth to sons or any pleasure to your husband in that matter."  
"Recite the final admission!" Ning cried out

I wiped out my fan, "Fulfill your duties calmly and respectfully. Reflect before you act, this shall bring you honor and glory."

"Glory, how would fulfilling your duties calmly and respectfully and reflecting before you act bring you glory? what does glory even have to do with this crap?" I thought

"Mulan? Mulan are you listening?" I was snapped out of my daze, "Yes Lady Ning?"  
"Pour the tea"  
I nodded my head and poured the tea.

"Congratulations, somehow you passed. It was by some miracle, and now I am forced to find someone suitable for you, God help his soul."

**oooOooo**

I took my time returning home to my family. I was happy that I had passed, but I wanted more in my life. I walked by the water being careful not to mess my dress up. As I walked by the big rock I always sat on to think, I found an intruder. He looked to be a couple years older than me. He looked soft yet hard, worried and yet determined. He was built

"are you lost?" he asked

"hum?" I looked at him and smiled, "oh no sir I walk these shores everyday, usually at night when I can actually think"

"what's there to think of?"

I looked at him puzzled, "my we are getting quite personal here"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean no disrespect-"

I started to laugh, "no no that's fine I'm just not use to people caring my thoughts. Usually no one cares."

"Why would that be?"

"I was brought up _differently_ lets just say."

he laughed at what I said.

"being raised differently shouldn't make a difference to people."

"Well the way I was raised is against the norm."

"You look very beautiful Fa Mulan, did you pass?"

"excuse me?" This was just getting way to weird for my likes

"did you pass the matchmaker's test?"

"Who _are_ you." I started to back away

"no one, we met long ago..."

"I'm...I'm sorry I must go, my parents must be worried sick." and with that I ran off.

"we met long ago..." I thought, "I don't remember him at all."

**oooOooo**

I walked through the gates and my mother came running out.

"Where were you!?" she screamed

"I went for a walk mother"

"Mulan! how irresponsible can you be?! You're a young lady, someone could have kidnapped you!" she exclaimed

"Now, now Li, I think Mulan can fight the captor stupid enough to try and take _her_" Fa Zhou came out when he heard the ruckus, "How did you do my daughter?" he asked calmly

I bowed to him, "I have set our honor in stone once again. It is safe." He smiled and hugged me.

My grandmother heard the news and ran inside working on the design of my wedding dress right away!

"When do you go to find out who your husband is?"

"Ning is finishing the tests at the end of the week. We all have to line up in front of her house where she will tell us who they will be." My father and grandmother never liked how they informed the girls of who they were to marry, but nothing could be done about it.

"OH MY GOODNESS! I have to design another dress for you to wear that day!" My grandmother exclaimed. She had nothing better to do than designing dresses, but she was amazing at it. She designed these complicated, but gorgeous gowns. She wanted her only granddaughter, or grandchild at that, to look beautiful for any occasion.

I smiled as my grandmother's eyes lit up with hundreds of ideas. There was no stopping her now. I walked inside laughing, she was _impossible_. I folded up my gown, careful not to wrinkle it then went into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. It was a pleasant meal, not much talking but I knew if there was... it would be about me and my future husband and everything my mother saw wrong in me.

After I headed outside just to think. My father found me sitting on the training grounds. He walked up to me and knelt down placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Baba I...I don't want to give this up. Not now, not yet. I'm not ready to stop."

"I know my darling, I know."

"I've worked too hard to give up now! My husband is controlling my life even before I meet him!"

"Just hope that the matchmaker gives you a good husband. And who knows he may be in the army, and they have to go a couple times a month to train. You can practice then."

"But I don't want to train in secret!"

"Mulan, you've been doing it for years. You've kept it from the entire village for the most part and your mother."

"But this is different baba, I'm going to be his wife. How can I hide this from him? He's going to eventually find out and punish me for it. Why did you do this to me? Why was I born a girl?" I didn't realize what I said until it was too late. My words struck my father hard, it wasn't his fault I learned everything I did, he was just trying to help me, give me a better life, and give me something to do.

"Baba... I'm-" he held a hand up

"Don't apologize Mulan. I deserve it. I shouldn't have ever tried to raise you as a son." with that he got up and walked away.

How could I have treated my father like this? I shamed myself and there was no way he would forgive me.

**oooOooo**

It was dark, I couldn't see anything, I had no idea where I was. All I could hear was screaming and begging. I could smell smoke. As I got closer i saw the fire, i smelt the smoke, fire, burning wood and flesh. I could see people running past me, I didn't understand. As I got closer I realized where I was. I was in my village. It was under attack by savage men, one of them saw me. I tried to run but was unable to move, he came closer and closer. I could see the hatred in his eyes as he raised his sword...


	2. Chapter 2

**BTW I changed Chi Fu's name... it didnt really fit the guy**

**oooOooo**

I jolted up. It was all a dream. I wiped my forehead and removed a strand of hair. I just just about to go back to bed when I heard footsteps. I jumped quietly out of bed and stepped by the door, when it opened and the person walked in I grabbed them. It was my grandmother. When I tried to ask she wanted she cupped my mouth.

"Shhhhh..." she said, "we _must_ get out of here NOW"

"what's going on?" I asked

"There's not much time to explain, there are intruders in our village, now pack some things and hurry."

"What about momma and baba?"

"You're father is trying to get her moving fast."

I knew it was not time to try and understand what was going on, so I rushed to my closet and grabbed a handful of clothes and stuffed them in a bag. I then ran to father's military room and grabbed the sword and whatever other valuable items were stored in there. I tied the sword around my waist and stuffed the valuables into my bag. The whole house was in a panic and we couldn't turn on any lights, for fear that the intruders would come to our house.

I went to my parents room, "mamma, baba what's going on?"

My father turned to me, "Our village is under attack. It doesn't look like anyone knew."

Because our house was in the back of the village, no one had noticed us yet. Both my grandmother and mother went out into the backyard to hide, and my father and I stayed back to hide any valuables we could not take and barricading the doors. All of a sudden "BANG!" it rang throughout the house. The intruders found our house. It was only a matter of seconds before they found us. My father grabbed the second sword and told me to run to the hide-away we had in the backyard, but I refused. Even if I went, I wouldn't have gotten far. Before my father had a chance to let one syllable out the intruders found us. I took out my sword and stood by my father. The intruders looked amused at me and then took out their swords. The odds were unfair; there were four of them and only two of us. The swords clanged, as they struck metal. Two were down and there were two left. All of a sudden I heard a scream of pain, I turned around to see my father on the ground and the intruder standing over him, I ran to help him and then I felt cold metal hitting my head. Before I knew what happened I was knocked out.

**oooOooo**

hours later I awoke, I looked over and saw my father. I rolled over and saw that I was lying in his blood. I crawled over to him. he was still breathing.

"baba" I whispered

"Mulan, Thank the ancestors you're still alive. I don't know what I would have done if you were killed. I love you so-" he started coughing. I knew he wouldn't make it due to the blood loss, but I didn't want to admit it.

"I love you so much baba. you'll be fine, you'll make it. just hold on."

"Mulan, take care of your mother and grandmother. You will make your husband happy, like you've made me. Don't let him control you, you can always beat him in a fight." a little laugh escaped from our lips.

"I know you'll make me proud..." and with that he died.

I shook him saying over and over, "no no please you can't die! Come back!" but it was no use. he was with the ancestors now.

I don't know why they spared my life, but I would find the people that did this to him and kill them.

**oooOooo**

I took a wet cloth and wiped the blood from his skin, then taking a white sheet I covered his body. Funeral preparations would start as soon as my mother heard the news. I slowly walked outside stained with his blood, my face was pale, almost lifeless to what I had witnessed. my father had died in my arms. I looked around and saw the village left in ruins. my mother and grandmother ran up to me screaming, "Mulan! Oh my goodness, Mulan!" as soon as they saw the blood.

"I-I-I'm fine" I told them. My grandmother knew something was wrong when my voice cracked and when she looked into my eyes

"where's your father?" she asked. My mother's head jolted up and she ran into the house. I ran after her pulling her back away from his body. She did not need to see the condition the intruders left him in. The drums started to beat, but I already knew there weren't many left in our village to fight. I walked outside and peered out the large doors to see what the commotion was about. it was a single man in his mid twenties, with some soldiers guarding him. I figured it was the "advisor". He was young barely in his twenties and he was one of the emperor's top advisor people. He looked around at the town, or what was left of it... I was the only one that came out of my house, everyone else was either dead or scared to come out. He saw me and slowly got off his horse signaling for his guards to stay, he walked over to where I stood.

"this is the Fa residence, isn't it?" he asked softly. I nodded my head trying to stay strong and not break down in front of him.

"Lady Fa, what-" he swallowed, "what happened here?"

my breathing started to become irregular as tears came to my eyes,

"there-there were so many of them. they came in the night" I swallowed hard trying to hold back the tears, but alas one tear failed me. "we- we tried to fight... but, but-"

I lost it there I fell to the ground crying. I felt someone's arm around my shoulder. I looked up and the man was there on his knees trying to comfort me. It was a forbidden for a man to touch a woman if they were unmarried, but it didn't seem like he cared. he helped me up and was taking me back to my house but I wouldn't go. He seemed to understand why I didn't want to go in there. he called one of his guards over to watch me as he went inside, sword in hand.

it seemed like he was in there for hours and then he walked out with a somber look on his face. he came over to me,

"you were with him, weren't you?"

I looked up in surprise and nodded. He turned and called his guards to go in the house and remove his body for a proper burial. I started to cry as they carried his body out of the house, my mother and grandmother were leading the body to where it was suppose to be laid. I tried to hide my tears but the young man saw and pulled me into a hug. I was startled for a moment and then just gave in crying in his chest. He held me close to him. it felt like he was afraid to let go... I didn't understand why he did what he did, maybe because he pitied me, but I was grateful he was there.

**oooOooo**

After my father was buried the young man and I went to the gardens and started talking

"Lady Fa-"

"please" I held my hand up to him, "Mulan"

"very well, Mulan. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you sir, I'm very grateful for your support and what you've done for my family and myself."

"please Mulan, if I must call you by name then as do you. My name is Chi Wen, and it was an honor"

"what do you come here for Wen?"

he looked around, "usually I should not be telling a woman, but seeing how you're not an ordinary woman and under these circumstances I guess I could tell you what I'm here for." I stared at him intently, he continued. "I've come to recruit soldiers."

"We're at war." I said

"yes."

"The men that attacked my village... are-are they the people that we're at war with?"

He turned his head in an attempt to not make any eye contact. I got the courage to pick my hand up and place it on his chin. He turned his head to face me, "those are the men, aren't they?"

he nodded. My hand fell from his face, "I knew it. I knew it. They didn't fight like normal warriors. Why did they kill so many and not me? I should be one of the ones laying in a grave right now..."

"What are you talking about Mulan? Be thankful you are alive."

"Why? so I can be tortured by memories, failure? No, No I cannot do it."

"Yes, yes you can. Just stay strong. Mulan, I'm sorry, but I have to go. I have to recruit the men that have survived this terrible attack."

I closed my eyes," I will go" in a tone he barely heard

"excuse me?"

I looked at him, "let me go, I can fight"

"Seeing who your father was I have no doubt you can't fight. but the battle field is no place for a lady."

"Those men murdered my father! Let me seek the revenge I long for!"

"Revenge Mulan? Those who plot the destruction of others often perish in the attempt."

"Than let it be, I have nothing left..."

"Mulan you have your grandmother and mother, and by taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior."

"My grandmother is old and will soon will join my father, and for my mother... I am a dishonor to her... Lucky for me I am a woman not a man. You will not hold me back. I will go."

"You will be killed. the law states-"

"I know the law Wen!"

"I'm sorry Mulan, you cannot fight." with that he got up and left to recruit whoever was left in our village.

"fine, so be it, I will go fight them on my own.." I went into the house to get the sword and pack some things for the journey to come…

**Please Review. Sorry it's taking so long, but school comes first and i've been having a really hard couple of months...**


	3. Chapter 3

**sorry the chapter was messed up but hopefully it's now fixed.**

**oooOooo**

"How dare him! How DARE he not allow me to fight just because I'm a woman. I'll show him. I will kill the man that took my father's life!" I thought to myself. At the time I was filled with hatred and I longed for revenge. I guess that's what happens when you are raised in a military life, you learn how to strategize, fight, and plot revenge. I left my home that night, leaving a note for my mother and grandmother. I hoped they would understand. maybe I would be back to see them again, but then again who knows what I will be facing. Death no longer frightened me, instead I stalk death, and soon I'd meet its fate.

**oooOooo**

My journey was a long one. people stared at me as I walked through the village. To them I was an outsider and a disgrace. None of them knew what happened in my town, but would be hearing of it within the next couple days. I barely slept for a couple of hours when I was tired and exhausted; I just walked from daylight into the wee night. I felt like I'd failed my father. It had been a month and yet no sign of them. It wasn't until one evening I came across two large men. They looked like they were in their thirties, ill dressed for the climate but it didn't seem to affect them. They were built and were not of Chinese origin. One of them turned around enough so I could see his face. He was one of the men that attacked my village, one of them who was looting my home. I would kill both of them when the time came right. I stalked them like a predator stalking it's pray for a couple of days. They didn't seem to notice me until one day. I was about to attack them, what the two were doing away from the group, I didn't care. with a sword in hand, I slowly crept up to them and hid behind a tree as they turned in my direction. I didn't think they saw me, but I bent down in the bushes and peeked out from behind the bushes. One was gone; I stood up behind the tree, and never had time to react. The one who disappeared grabbed my arm that held the sword causing me to drop it. He pinned me against the tree and pinned the arm he grabbed between my back and him, he pulled my hair as he drew a dagger to my neck.

"My, my, who do we have here?" he called for his partner.

"Bo! looks like you caught yourself a spy" I tried to get out of his grip, but it was no use. He was too strong

"Looks like she's a little feisty, Bo!"

"Lay a hand on me, and I'll kill you!" I spat at him

"Better be careful, you are in no position to be demanding things," Bo started to smell my hair; "we wouldn't like this beautiful neck to start dripping of blood." He moved down to my neck and started to kiss it.

I stomped down on his foot and elbowed him in the gut. He slammed me into the tree and started to dig the knife into my neck. I could feel the blood start to run down my neck. All of a sudden I heard horses in the background. I took my chances and screamed for help. Bo dug the knife deeper into my throat. I could feel myself getting tired as I struggled for air. I could taste the blood in my mouth, with what energy and strength I had left, I slid my hand into my sash and grabbed a dagger I stole away, as he loosened his grip on me after he slit my neck I somehow was able to get my arm high enough without him noticing and stabbed him in the heart. As he fell to the ground I fell to my knees. His partner didn't even have the chance to react and kill me; someone heard my screams and came to my rescue. I turned around to see a couple of horses with what I believe to be men. My vision was so blurry and my eyelids started to get heavy, but I saw the other Hun fall as I fell to the ground ready for death. I don't remember much but a man picking me up in his strong muscular arms and telling me to hold on. Gasping for breath I was only able to mouth "thank you" before blacking out.

**oooOooo**

I don't know how long I was out for; I remember hearing whispering, the doctors telling someone I wouldn't make it. I tried to tell them just let me go, but I was too weak to wake. I longed for death to take me home, but it refused to come. Many times I would try and open my eyes, but because I was too weak they would only open slightly, then I would fall unconscious. I knew I was not alone, not only were the doctors there but every time I would force my eyes to open a little I would see a man either standing there talking to the doctors or sitting down next to me. I believed he was the man who saved me, my savior, and what he was doing there I haven't a clue. I really wanted to know who he was, see his face and thank him for rescuing me. I was able to force my eyes open, but the image was blurry. A blurry image of his hand were on my bed, and in order to get his attention I weakly moved my hand and placed it on top of his. I barely got my hand to his, but when I touched his hand, it seemed to startle him, and he saw I was awake.

"Don't move, I'll get the doctors..." but I shook my head and "no"

"where am I?" I mouthed. My voice would not come "my voice" I moved my hand to my neck

"you are safe at the Moo Shung Camp. The dagger came close to your vocal cords. We don't know if they were sliced as he slit your throat… we don't know if you will ever talk"

I was horrified, but I wanted to know more about this man" who, who are you?"

"I am Captain Li"

"You saved my life"

"Mulan, I'm so sorry about your father."

"you knew my father?"

"I did..."

I started to sit up and he placed a hand on my shoulder trying to make me lay down

"You need your rest" I shook my head and sat up as he sat behind me with his shoulder supporting my back. I mouthed for a pen and paper and weakly picked it up.

"I remember a general coming to our house when I was really little, he was a nice man. His surname was Li, any relations?"

"yes. I'm his son…"

"Shang?"

he smiled and squeezed my hand, "Yes Mulan"

"you saved my life, why?" I asked

"Wen told me that you wanted to join the army… for revenge. This isn't true is it?" He asked in a stern voice

"They killed my father" I tried saying

"What happened to you Mulan? you aren't the same..."

"Don't even talk about changing!" I wrote, "why don't you take a look at yourself before you say something about me"

He looked shocked. He didn't say anything to me. He placed a pillow behind me, shook his head and left without a word.

**oooOooo**

The last time I saw him, he was nice, friendly and always willing to help. He was that little boy I landed on when I tried to escape from home. We would spar just for the fun of it, but something changed. He came over some years ago, I came running outside and gave him a hug. Instead of embracing me he kept his hands by his side and then pushed me off of him. He looked at me and then walked away. He was 8 and I was 6. He had been accepted to the academy and just got back from his first year. He lost all the childness that he had the year before. I found him on the training grounds, I ran up to him smiling.

"You wanna fight!?" trying to edge him on

"no" just one word, no explanation. He shot the conversation down, not wanting to restart it

"But why not?"

"You're a girl."

"so? we always sparred with each other, and I was a girl then. what makes this different?"

"You're weak, you're a girl, you're not supposed to know how to fight, and I will hurt you. shall I go on?" he spat at me

I walked up to him and shoved him

"I've fought with you and I haven't got hurt" I hit him, and he pushed me over. He looked at me and walked away

"stupid, dishonorable girl" he said as he walked by.

The next time he came over I left. I hopped the fence and walked down by the water. I sat just listening to the waves hitting the shore and watched as the sun setting. It was my place; I could come alone and think... it was my sanctuary. As I sat there I started to get angrier and angrier at Shang. I made a pledge to myself, I wouldn't forgive him after what he did and said to me. The Li visits started to become less frequent, they would come once a month, to once every other month, to once every couple of months until the visits stopped.

**oooOooo**

I hadn't laid eyes on him since I was 6, and the anger was still there. I laid on my side and started to cry as I recalled the painful memories. He humiliated me once, I would not let him have the same pleasure of doing it again. I slowly got up from where I lay, stole bandages, painkillers, and ointments so I could clean my wound and I stole off into the night. I would be a soldier with or without their permission, it's probably better for them not to know. I would prove myself to them in the end that a girl could fight. I made a little camp in the woods not too far from camp where I made sure my hair was short enough and I could pass off as a man. I fell asleep shortly after, I needed to keep up my strength in order to be able to fool Shang, Wen, and the others.

I woke up early cleaned my bandages and began to walk to camp. What would they do to a mute person? Would they allow me to fight? I learned sign language years ago because of one of my neighbors is mute and she taught me how to sign so we could carry on a conversation. I could easily fool them by signing to them all I had to do was keep my neck covered until it healed.

**oooOooo**

As I approached camp everyone was in all over the place trying to find me I guessed, one man ran up to me

"Have you seen a woman?"

I shook my head and walked to the check in tent.

"what's your name" I recognized the man, it was Wen. His face was looking down towards the paper and when he got no response he looked up "well what's wrong can't talk?"

I shook my head and signed Tong Lei. I knew if I gave my surname I would be done for, everyone knew I was the only child of Fa Zhou. Wen wrote my name down and signed "stay here"

I signed to him saying "I can hear just fine, I just cannot talk."

Wen nodded and said to stay right there as he left me in the tent alone. About a couple minutes later he re-entered with Shang. I started to get nervous; what if he noticed it was me? I was done for…

"Why are you here Lei?" he asked

"I am here to fight for my country. Are you asking because I'm mute?" I signed. He waited for Wen to translate for him.

"How long have you been mute for?"

"Too long. Will you allow me to fight or are you going to be picky about soldiers? I am fit and ready for battle. I may be mute but I don't need a voice to fight."

He was trying to decide if he should let a mute man in or turn him away until I asked him, "do you want me to prove that I am qualified to fight? Will that make up your mind?"

He nodded and opened the flap, "let's see your sparring, and if you beat me you can stay."hoped

I nodded and walked out of the tent. I asked him who I was sparring, and he said that if I was as good as I said I was I would fight him.

**oooOooo**

We found our way to an empty field where we took our stance. We waited for the other approach. Shang was the first to make a move, I was taught to never approach your opponent first. I waited to see what he brought to the table before I went onto offensive mode. Be lunged at me with a fist and I deflected it. Because I was small I was able to move quickly and dodge almost any blow that came at me. I advanced him with a punch but he deflected it. It seemed like we were evenly matched skill wise, but strength wise I could easily defeat me if I wasn't careful and then I would never be able to avenge my father's death. The match went on for some time, people gathered around to see the fight. They watched as I slammed my foot into Captain Li Shang's side. I made my mistake, I failed to realize that I kicked him to high on his chest. He grabbed my foot and flipped me over. When I landed he spun around and kicked me in the stomach sending me flying through the air landing on my back. I tried to get back up but found a foot belonging to the captain on my chest holding me down.

"Where did you learn to fight like that? I've never seen you at the academy, who taught you all of your skill?"

"I was home schooled" I signed, I didn't know what else to say without giving myself away but he seemed content with my answer. He took his foot off of my chest and reached down with a free hand to help me up.

"can I stay? Have I proven myself?" I asked

"you lost. our deal was that if you beat me you could stay."

I looked at him, I failed**oooOooo** there was no arguing with him. A deal was a deal. I nodded my head and turned around and started to walk out of camp

"Lei!" I turned around and saw a questioning look on his face "where are you going, you need to set up your tent"

I looked at him in surprise, nodded and walked to set up camp. I made it, soon in a couple of months I would have my revenge.

**oooOooo**

Training started the very next day. If people decided to go out to a brothel they were regretting it the very next day. The training was a grueling process and a hangover is the last thing that you would want, not that it went well over Captain Li Shang.

"Soldiers!" he cried over the troops, "I am very disappointed in your behavior. This is a military camp not a drinking camp! I will not show you any mercy due to most of your conditions. You will make sure you line up quickly and swiftly every morning an hour after the crack of dawn. If you want food you will have to get up even earlier if not your next meal will be lunch.

It was disappointing about half the men went to see Dr Kong because of being seriously dehydrated to the point that the soldiers passed out. Shang was forced to cancel training that day. As everyone took leave I went for a run by the lake. I stopped for a rest when I saw a large rock where I sat and thought. It was peaceful until I heard a splash. My eyes searched for the cause of the noise but nothing I saw, so I went back to my meditation. About ten minutes later I heard something, as I opened my eyes I was staring at the legs of Captain Li Shang. I stood up facing him ready to just jump off the rock and sprint out of sight

"Captain, I-I'm sorry, I didn't notice you here" I quickly signed to him. Obviously he didn't get anything but placed a hand on my shoulder

"whoa there Lei calm down." As he sat I followed. We sat there for a long time until he broke the silence, "how long have you been mute?"

"Too long. I just wish I could talk again. I took it for granted. I want to be able to sing again."

"I don't really understand." He looked at me "can you teach me to sign?"

We sat there for hours signing to each other. All of a sudden Shang sighed.

"What's wrong" I asked.

He looked over at me wondering if I could be trusted "When you came to camp there was a woman by the name of Fa Mulan. She was found in the forest being attacked by two Hun scouts. She was able to hold herself off but in the end was wounded badly. They slit her throat and was on the verge of death. She was here about a week before you came. We fought and the next day she was gone. We don't know if she was kidnapped, ran away or even when."

I touched his shoulder, hoping that he didn't notice that I was she, "you know her?"

He nodded, "our families were close. Her father saved my father's life. He was like a second father to me and things didn't end very well. I was a stupid kid at the time, and I insulted her not meaning to. She's in a very fragile state, and I fear for her wellbeing."

"You like her don't you?"

"Her father was murdered in the middle of the night; she was trying to get into the army in order to take revenge on the men that killed him. She doesn't know why they kept her alive. I lectured her instead of trying to be there for her and because of me she ran away, and I don't have a clue on where she is, and if she's alive."

"If she's as strong as you convey her to be, I think she's just fine." I was blushing inside and before he could see me start to blush I said my goodbyes and walked back to my tent.

**P.S keep in mind Mulan is mute as of right now so if i say "she asked, said" or anything implying she can talk she cant. She is either writing it, mouthing it, or signing it.**


	4. Chapter 4

As I walked back to my tent I wondered why he was so worried about me. I mean he never cared about me years ago and now all of a sudden! He was only worried because I was seeking revenge in a man's world. If it were anything else he would not have taken another look my way. I found myself talking or thinking about him nonstop, what was wrong with me? To one, it would seem like I had feelings for him. Feelings?! Eww as if! There's no way I would fall for someone like him, or so I thought. As training continued my mind didn't wonder to him. I thought my random crush was done, but it was only getting started. I would run by the lake after training just to calm myself down. It was a daily thing, except today I was just so exhausted after training that I couldn't run anymore. I sat down on the large rock overlooking the lake. I closed my eyes and just listened to the wildlife around me. I found it peaceful; it was like my little spot on the beach back home. It made me feel like everything was a dream and as soon as I would open my eyes I would be on the beach noticing what time it was and sprinting back to mama and baba scolding me for being out late. But it wasn't the case I opened my eyes to a voice coming from my commander; my face dropped not even meaning to. Shang looked at me,

"Disappointed? I can leave if you want me" he started to walk away when I threw a rock at him. He turned around surprised and all I could do was shrug.

"I'm mute, remember? You never waited for my answer" I signed to him

"you okay?" he asked me

"I'm-I'm fine. I just miss my father. He passed away and I never had the chance to make amends." Shang just sat there and listened, "I yelled at him the day before he died and now I cannot take it back."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I am fortunate to still have my father. I guess all you can do is pray. I am sure your father knew that you loved him and didn't really blame him. Anger can take over, and hate can blind you. But that doesn't seem like that's the only thing on your mind."

I looked at him puzzled, "what do you mean I asked?"

He shrugged, "I've seen many different looks, and I'm sorry, I mean no disrespect, but that doesn't look like a look for disappointment."

"Well what kind of look does it look like" starting to get frustrated.

"Confusion, fear, and a little bit of- I don't know, I can't put my finger on it." He was studying me. I had to change the subject before he started to see my feminine features.

"So what were you doing before you were called to war?"

Confused by the subject change he just dismissed it. "I wasn't doing much, I spent my time advancing in my training, looking for bride candidates or running away from that. I basically spent my time on the beach."

"Why were you running away from bride candidates? And why did you spend your time on the beach?" I questioned him further.

"I see the table has turned, I was getting into your personal life so now its payback huh?" I nodded grinning, "Well if you must know, I am forced to marry the girl that has the most money and is most qualified to be the wife of a general's son. To tell you the truth, I don't care about money, every girl that has come to my door with a marriage proposal I turned away. I didn't even listen to anything they said…someone else took away my breath without even knowing it."

"So did she say yes?" well there goes my crush he is in love with a girl and will become her husband most likely after the war.

He shook his head, "no. She didn't even know who I was after the matchmaker process." I looked at him confused. "I live not too far from her so I journeyed down to see how she would do and when I saw her, she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She came out with a gorgeous smile on her face showing she passed and that she miraculously saved her family's honor I took a walk on the beach, knowing she would be doing the same thing before she went home to tell her family the news. My hair was falling out because I was so nervous to talk to her, it had been years since we last saw face to face and it didn't end on a good note. Anyways I took it down and sat on a rock, much like this one, and meditated until I saw her. She looked like an angel walking on the beach at sundown. I tried talking to her and she didn't recognize me or maybe she still loathed me that she wanted to make me feel even worse by not even remembering me so she ran home."

"How did you know she was going to go to the beach after the matchmaker? How did you she would even go to the beach?"

He started to laugh at me, "When she was younger she would always climb the wall of her house to get out and the one place she could think and be at peace while feeling safe was the beach. She always went there when she was upset, sad, angry, or joyous."  
"Was she the girl you were looking for when I came into the camp?"

"What is this, drill your commanding officer?" he sighed, "you're too young to understand." He then got up and left.

**oooOooo**

I can't believe he likes me of all people. My heart leaped for joy, but there was no way I could tell him or else I would be kicked out of the army and then for sure I would bring dishonor upon my family. But for some reason I longed to kiss him, feel him touch me. I was contemplating to myself. If I dress up in the clothes I had come in maybe I could just sneak into his tent and if he woke up he would see me just as Mulan and not as the soldier he told everything to and my identity could still remain a secret. I don't know if I was being stupid or what, but I was crazy enough to see what would happen. I waited until it was the middle of the night and everyone was in bed sleeping. I made it look like someone was sleeping in the bed if for some reason someone decided to come into my tent, put on the training clothes I came to the camp wearing when I was injured and snuck out of my tent. I knew where Shang's tent was, it wasn't too far from mine, but I had to be careful that I didn't draw any attention to myself and Shang's tent in fear that if someone found out it would look bad and our honor would be compromised. I crept quietly into his tent, closing the flap just as quickly as I had opened it. I let my eyes adjust to my surroundings before I made any kind of movement. I saw him lying on his bed sleeping, he looked so peaceful, I was shaking I had no idea what I was doing. My mind was saying "abort, abort. Get out now" but my body kept moving. I knelt down next to his bed, looking at his features. There was a strand of hair in his face obstructing my view of his entire face, I found the courage to move it, and there I saw him. His features looked calm, relaxed, and soft. Without even realizing it I cupped his cheek in my hand leaning down and before I had the chance to kiss him, I had a hand around my neck and I was flipped over. He was on top of me with a knife to my neck, his face went from being soft to this hateful look and in his eyes there was fear and hate. As soon as he realized it was me his eyes widened and the knife was removed. He got off of me and was kneeling on the bed looking at me. He was astonished it was me. Shang was about to say something, but he never got the chance I knelt up in front of him cupping his face I kissed him. He was surprised but then his arms wrapped around me. When we broke apart he asked, "How did you know?" all I could do was shrug. "Where have you been? You just ran away, I thought you were dead" all I could do was kiss him again. Everything made sense now; he lay back on the bed as I still kneeled next to him bending down to kiss him. I slipped him a note and then broke from his embrace, I got up and stood by the entrance, lifting up the flap and making sure no one was around mouthed "I love you" to Shang and darting out into the forest. I knew Shang would follow after me not wanting me to leave so I darted in the forest and making a random turn rushing back into my tent and into bed. Shang didn't see this, and I felt bad for how I left him. He thought I was dead, and I made sure he knew it wasn't a dream.

**oooOooo**

After training was done for the day I went on my daily run. Usually I'd jump in the water when I was done, but something caught my eye. I stopped looking in the distance at Shang sitting on the bolder touching his lips. I walked up to him tapping him on the shoulder,

"So… whatcha doing?"  
Shang just looked at me realized what he had been doing and dropped his hand immediately, "uh, uh nothing. I thought I cut my lip and I was just making sure I didn't"

"right." I said unconvinced, "and I'm the girl you're infatuated with" of course that was true, but to him that was a obvious lie.

"I-I'm not infatuated with her! I just I had an interesting dream about her last night."

"oooo pray to tell!"

He looked at me, "No!"

"Oh come on, I know you want to talk about it. I won't tell if you wont."

"you are one strange soldier, but sorry I don't kiss and tell."

"so, then I take it in this dream of yours you kissed her." I threw him a mistevious grin.

"I never said that!"

"oh but you said you dint kiss and tell!"

He sighed, " yes I kissed her, but it felt so real. I swear I could feel her."

"well maybe it wasn't a dream then." Disappointed that he thought it was just a dream

"it was, she's gone, presumed dead…" I could hear the hurt in his voice and all I could think of saying was, "chin up, even if you can't see her she's always right by you." He looked at me and gave me a lopsided smile

"I need to see you in my tent to go over some strategy ideas.

I gave him a puzzled look, "but I'm not a lieutenant, I'm just a soldier."

He shook his head, "not only do I know you can be trusted, but you're my best soldier. You showed dedication during training, and you excelled through everything making it seem easy. And not only that, you show concern towards your fellow soldiers. You are not only a soldier, but my second in command."

I looked at him shocked, "but sir, one little problem… I cant speak."

It looked like he over looked that very important thing. If he wasn't able to give orders I would be left in charge, and I wasn't able to talk.

"we'll just have to work on that now wont we?" I looked at him startled, I thought for sure as soon as he remembered I couldn't speak, he would reconsider his decision. All I could do was nod.

**oooOooo**

As we walked back to his tent to go over some strategy ideas, Wen ran up to us. "Captain! We haven't received word from your father yet. It's been two weeks and we have yet to receive one of his weekly updates. I fear that something has gone terribly wrong." I could see the fear plastered on Shang's face he gestured Wen and I to come in. Wen looked at me and said, "this is an important matter, if we are moving out we will tell you." But Shang said, "Wen, leave it, Lei is my second in command. He shall be a part of this conversation." Wen did not dare fight Shang on his choice on second and command, it was not only his decision to pick someone qualified to be second in command, but it was none of his business. They sat down in the tent. Talking over strategies, Wen was starting to get a headache and became very irritated so he just laid down where he was sitting. Something was hitting him in the face so he pulled it out. He quickly sat up, "sir". Shang looked at Wen and scolded him, "not now Wen." But Wen kept insisting, Shang turned around ready to strike Wen until he saw the letter Wen held in his hands… Wen handed it to him, "it couldn't be" Shang thought. As he carefully opened the letter he began to read it,

_My dearest Shang,_

_I am sorry if I worried you when I ran away, that was my last intention. _

_I am doing well. My wound has fully healed. I never thanked you for saving my life. I think of that day often, your arms were the first thing I felt safe in after so long. I hope you understand why I wanted revenge. My father was everything to me and the only person to ever believe in me. When I saw you on the beach I didn't recognize you, even if I did I don't think I would have been able to comprehend that it was you, my mind was elsewhere. I chose to seek revenge because I didn't care what happened to me, I didn't want to marry, I didn't want to give up my martial arts life. I never understood what happened to you when you returned from the academy. You were a changed person, you lost all innocents, and I didn't want to admit that you began to grow up not wanting anything to do with me. I am trying to find the words to tell you, but I cannot find them, I think I'm falling in love with you. No matter what happens, if you don't feel the same way about me I don't want my feelings to come between us. Our friendship is the most important thing in the world to me, and I don't want to lose that. Be careful, and please be safe. I can't wait to hold you when I next see you. You'll always be in my heart_

_Love,_

_Mulan_

"Sir?" I asked, Wen stood up putting his hand on my shoulder gesturing me to come with him. As we stepped foot outside the tent I asked him, "so you know what that letter was about?" all he could do was nod.

As we walked, he decided to talk, "I know Shang has been talking to you about his past. But you must understand the entire story. When he was smaller, he would always go to General Fa's house with his father. General Li owed Fa Zhou his life. They fought side by side through every battle. They were the best of friends and they were always there for each other. Her father wasn't wounded until the last war, Mulan was probably around age six and Shang was just accepted into the academy. A war broke out and Fa Zhou and General Li were called away, little did they know, they would be tested. Shang was kidnapped, and it was all my fault. I wanted to go have a night on the town which was forbidden so Shang went after me trying to stop me. We were ambushed, I was the lucky one. The captors just knocked me unconscious while they dragged Shang away. He was tortured for many months, and maybe about a month and a half in they threw another prisoner in with him, it was his sister. Like any other daughter of a general she was trained in martial arts, and she was good. The Huns tried to break Shang for so long and he would not say a thing, he watched as they raped his sister. She tried to fight back but that's when they hurt her even more. They tied him to a supporting beam so he would watch everything they were doing to his little sister. He dislocated his shoulder trying to save her.

The generals knew they had Shang and Leah, and Fa Zhou kept telling him that they had to wait and figure out a plan, if they just rushed in without one, they could be facing dire consequences. General Li just wanted his children back, he couldn't wait anymore he was dying inside and Fa Zhou knew that. General Li refused to wait and went charging in the camp, if it wasn't for Fa Zhou, General Li would have lost his life. He charged into the tent where his children were being kept prisoner and there he saw Shang tied to the beam, beaten, bloody, bruised, and unconscious. He walked into the tent wondering where his daughter was, when he turned around he saw a sight a father should never see. His daughter was hanged and half naked. The general was in so much grief at the sight of his children he ran out thrashing through as many Huns as he could, he didn't see the Hun leader, and was slashed in the arm. He fell to the ground looking up at the leader he said, 'You'll pay for what you did to my children, and I'll kill you for murdering my daughter.'

The leader just laughed, 'your son wouldn't tell us what we wanted to know, that's why we brought your daughter in. oh you should have just seen his face when we were raping her. He was struggling trying to get out of the ropes. And besides you're in no position to be making threats as you can see you're on the ground while I'm still standing with a sword pointing down at you. Too bad your sword is just out of arm distance.' As he was bringing the sword down towards the general's chest Fa Zhou's sword intercepted it. The leader was so upset the fight turned towards him, they fought long and hard. When Fa Zhou was able to disarm him, the leader fell to the ground, he didn't see the dagger in the leaders hand. The dagger entered Fa Zhou's leg deep, no one really knew how it was able to miss the artery but it did. Fa Zhou took that same dagger that was stabbed into him and pierced the heart of the leader. Sadly Fa Zhou was severely injured that he was forced to take an early retirement where he still walks with a limp. General Li had mixed emotions, he was of course thankful for Fa Zhou saving his life, but he also blamed him for the death of his beloved daughter. The visits to the Fa residence became less frequent until they just stopped. Shang was never the same after what he saw. After awhile he just blocked everything out but he is still haunted by the images of his past. That's why he lashed out on Mulan when she wanted to sparr with him. He thought that because his sister knew martial arts that's what lead to her death. He was trying to protect Mulan, but instead he hurt her even more. When he came across her in the forest, it brought back the memories of his sister fighting for her life while he had no way of helping her. He thought he lost Mulan when all he was trying to do was protect her. He never left her side from the time she fell in his arms to the time she woke up. He still blames himself for everything even Mulan's running away."

He looked at me, "now you know the whole story."

"why did you tell me this?" I asked

He turned to me, "because you're the only soldier he's talked to about her. You needed to know everything in order to understand where he was coming from, and if something happened to find Fa Mulan and tell her everything."

I looked at him questioningly, "this war is going to be a bad one, I fear something bad has happened to the general. I know Shang well enough to say that if the leader knows that Shang is the general's son his life will be in danger, because the Hun leader is the son of the leader that was killed by Fa Zhou. I fear that when Shan-Yu finds out Shang was the child that escaped, he'll hunt him down."

**Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, but college is a bitch and it's taking up a lot of my time. I hope you like the story so far, and I'll try and update as soon as I can, but it probably won't be until December after my finals are over. I'm always open to some ideas tho! They can always get me to write a little more and hey maybe I'll have it done sooner~! Please review! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**PREVIOUSLY**

He looked at me, "now you know the whole story."

"why did you tell me this?" I asked

He turned to me, "because you're the only soldier he's talked to about her. You needed to know everything in order to understand where he was coming from, and if something happened to him, find Fa Mulan and tell her everything."

I looked at him questioningly, "this war is going to be a bad one, I fear something bad has happened to the general. I know Shang well enough to say that if the leader knows that Mulan is the daughter of Fa Zhou, her life will be in danger if she's found and Shang will do anything to keep her safe. If Shan-Yu finds out who Mulan and Shang are, I fear their lives will be in grave danger. He'll hunt them down until they are both dead."

**NOW**

I found Shang sitting by the water. I was debating on if I should go up to him or I should just let him be alone. My feet kept moving until I was standing quietly by the boulder. Shang was deep in thought I turned around not wanting to disturb him.

"Lei?" I could tell he was troubled

"Wen told me everything" I signed. Shang just sighed, dropping his head and ushered me to sit next to him.

"it was my fault. Because of me, my sister is dead and I drove Mulan away from me for years." He explained

"you never told her about your sister…"

He shook his head, "no. she never knew I had a sister. I don't know how I would explain it to her, she'd think I was weak and would hate me because I couldn't save her" he started to break down.

"lets go for a walk" I told him, I knew he wouldn't want someone to come across their commanding officer crying, he nodded and we started to walk away from camp.

We walked in silence until he decided to talk again, "my father seemed to blame me for the longest time. I wanted to tell Mulan, but I couldn't find the words, and I didn't think she would understand. How could she? She'd look at me as this powerless person who all he could do was watch them rape and kill his sister. I'm worthless-"

I couldn't listen to this anymore. I walked in front of him turning to face him placing a hand on his chest. He looked at me confused. I wanted him to know that I wouldn't think anything different of him. I decided to do something I haven't tried in a long time. I took a deep breath and forced a quiet raspy "no" it hurt so much, but I couldn't let him think less of himself. I didn't think he heard me until his expression changed.

"i-I thought you said you were mute for as long as you can remember"

I smiled at him and forced another explanation out of me "ok, so I stretched the truth a little bit. I was mute-"

I stood still as he moved his hand to my neck. I dropped my hand from his chest and lowered my head in shame. I knew as soon as he removed the cloth from my neck he would know the truth. I felt him gently unwrap the cloth; I was so scared to see what his expression so I closed my eyes. I felt his hands on my neck, my heart started to speed up as thoughts of him strangling me were flowing through my head. His next reaction startled me… while one hand dropped, the other caressed my neck, and I felt his lips on my neck. All I could do was wrap my arm around his neck to pull him closer to me. Our lips found each other, it felt like hours passed and neither of us wanted to stop.

Shang gained control of the situation and looked at me, "how long have you known of my true identity?" I squeezed out all he could do was smile, "since the day you showed up at camp. I knew it wasn't coincidence that you ran off not being able to speak and the next day a "man" showing up who couldn't speak, and not to mention the great Fa Zhou taught his only daughter some moves that haven't been used in years. She used those moves on me when I sparred with her, the same moves you used the day you showed up."

"why then-why then did you tell me all that you did if you knew it was me all along?"

All he could do was smile, "I was seeing how awkward and uncomfortable I could make you! See what I could say until you would slip up!"

I let a smirk slip on my lips, "looks like you have to try a little harder. Shang, knowing your past, I look at you differently now," Shang turned his head in shame so he didn't have to look at me. I carefully moved his head to face me, "I hated you when I was younger. I never thought I could look at you again, but ever since I came to the camp and began to know you more I put those feelings aside but know that I know the whole reason for your dramatic personality change- I love you so much more because you AREN'T always perfect."

**oooOooo**

**Present time**

I'll never forget that goofy smirk on his face it was like this mischievous smile that you got the feeling he was hiding something, but nothing bad just like he had something up his sleeve. He wrapped his arms around me. It was a hug I've never experienced before, it was a tight hug but not too tight that he would hurt you but tight enough that your body was close if not pressed up against him. I miss those hugs, I miss those days but things are no longer the same. Times have changed and all that's left are memories.

I told him that I was going to stay, if he tried to send me home I would go off on my own to find my father's murderers. Because my voice was very raspy no one would be able to figure out I was a female when I started to talk around camp. I was so happy that I was able to talk again, but because I was signing for awhile I would talk while signing… it was so hard to give up I guess you could say.

We waited another week and when we got a message we knew what we had to do…

**oooOooo**

**Flashback**

"Sir" a messenger came running up to us, "a message was sent by Shin-Yu" Shang's eyes went wide as he snatched the letter and turned on his heels back to his tent, I rushed in after him.

_Captain Li,_

_I was waiting for the perfect time for revenge. After what happened to my father you were the brat that got away. But instead of trying to track you down I found myself staring at the lifeless body of a certain general, too bad my sword made contact with flesh before I got your whereabouts, no worries we found one messenger among the dead that somehow managed to survive. Your father was such a pathetic person, oh the look on his face when I told him that you would be next on my list to kill. I guess you'll just have to catch up to us, hopefully you find us before we make it all the way to the Imperial City… I have a head start…_

Shang dropped the letter after he finished, "We move out at dawn." And left me to read, Wen walked in and looked at me while I handed him the letter and walked out to find Shang. I found him sitting on the rock by the lake staring out.

"Mulan, you're staying here, you're not coming with us, it's-"

"the hell I'm not coming with you!" Shang turned around to face me, "I am not staying here, it's not going to happen so get it through your thick-" I didn't even have time to finish my sentence before Shang's lips found mine and cut me off. The kiss was filled with passion, fear, longing but most of all sadness.

"They know who you are Mulan, if you come with me they can use you against me and I will not let you die"

"I am not afraid of death, I'm afraid of loosing you…"

**Sorry guys that took a very long time but I've been stressed out with school. FYI if you want to enlist in the military do what I'm doing, go through nursing school first then enlist, basic will have nothing on you. You're already been through hell for a grand total of 4 years and another 2 months wont make a difference! 1 ½ down 2 ½ left… I'll try to update soon but I'm kinda busy with school and I keep going through writers blocks **


	6. AN

**I got a message from someone saying that I have several spelling mistakes (I could only find one and excuse me it was suppose to be losing not loosing). As for grammar, I don't have much time to go back through and read the story again so I try to catch my grammar mistakes (I only found a couple) and fix them. Please if you find spelling mistakes inform me because I hate when I make those mistakes, but again I'm human, I'm stressed out and very busy. **

**About the story It begins with Mulan in present time looking back on her life thus the random **present time**. the story is going to be mostly in past tense because I'm adding things that came from my life to try and cope with the loss of my friend, but I'm coping faster than I can write the story so... yeah. Anyways I'll try to update soon but I'm trying to get through this weekend for my midterms all next week and then I have fall break where I will be spending my time studying for another exam and doing a nutrition "current event" on Bulimia with exercising**


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